April 11, 2012. I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I was shocked, so I took another, also positive. The next next day I took another. "negative" it said. April 13 I knew why. By April 15 th the baby was gone, almost as soon as he was known. I cried alone for my child. Only a few close friends and family new. This baby wasn't planned, and it wasn't a "good" time. But I loved him. There is no science to say this baby was a boy. But i know he was. I just know. As i nursed my 10 month old my heart ached knowing i had another to care for, one that I was powerless to save.
This was the tone of 2012. It had already been a struggle, my great uncle passed away, my aunt got cancer. The coming months brought more anguish. We spent days in Nebraska courts watching part of our extended family fall apart. And Later in May i watched my husband carry his fathers casket. A wonderful man whose death had been sudden and we felt too soon. In October an intruder broke into our house. Removing all remaining sense of physical security from my mind. I remember wanting to cry that night, but i had no tears left. Sleepless nights with what seemed like endless night terrors followed. For the first time in my life I had no control, over anything. I realized how frail life was, and in this I saw how big God could be.
In June we found out we were expecting a new niece and after that, another child of our own. Knowing our niece was coming was so exciting, we were desperate for some joy in our family. And that's what sweet Billi Joy has brought. She is a dear treasure.
April 15, 2013. I sat in the same house where i had cried so many tears, but this time was different. Contractions told me our baby was on her way. I wept a lot during labor. I wasn't sad, and it was hard, but my tears were not from pain. they were tears of joy, sweet joy in knowing God sees me. Rather than mourning the loss of our second child, I was bringing our 3 rd into the world.
Adalyn Kate Savery. Born about 11:30 pm April 15, 2013. Her name means to show kindness, compassion, nobility, to be pure. Her middle name Kate, after a friend who is pure of heart and full of compassion.
Adalyn is God's kindness to us, to me. Even though I spent a great deal of last year in anger towards God, he saw me. I was overwhelmed with situations, problems I did not cause. I was frustrated with humanity and all powerful God who let other peoples actions change my life. He met me where I was. Like Hagar in Genesis, he cares for and comforts her though she was far from his will. I had no reason to be bitter. If the Bible is true then Heaven is real and perfect, why would I want to take my child, my father-in law from there? But I was angry even hateful, still God saw me. God is real. As a hold my child, I know she may be gone at any moment. I am no more equipped to protect her than I was to save the baby, and the father we buried. But I am content to know she is safe. because if she would leave this earth she will be in perfect Heaven, and comfort would come to me. Because God sees me. Adalyn or Adie(pronounced A-D) reminds me God is real, he's powerful, he is BIG. Rain falls on the just and the unjust, but God sees his children. I have learned so much this year. I would not trade these events for a life of ease. I will live them again to know the greatness of God. He longs to bring comfort to His children. To show us his plans will yield prosperity. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Fall fast in His arms brothers and sisters, there is no better place to rest.
so proud of you Mrs. Supermom. love you.
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